J: “I’ll have the Mediterranean Summer Salad with Feta and Shrimp, but I have a shrimp allergy, so instead, may I please have the scallops?” 

W: (with dramatic, feigned furrowed brow of empathy and regret) “Why I’m sorry sir, unfortunately we cannot make substitutions on The Mediterranean Summer Salad with Feta and Shrimp.”

J: (with equally feigned furrowed brow of incredulity and a subtle smirk of defiance and self-satisfaction) “Hmmmm, OkAAAy, well then how about The Mixed Green Summer Salad with feta and scallops?”

W: “Well that, we can certainly do sir!”

J: (inner voice) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

W: “Excuse me sir! How is The Mixed Green Summer Salad with feta and scallops?”

J: (beaming with enthusiastic curled-corner-lipped sarcasm) “Fantastic! It’s almost exactly the same as your Mediterranean Summer Salad with Feta and Shrimp, but this one instead has scallops, and is shrimpless.”

W: (with oblivious sincerity or stark theatrical brilliance) “Why I’m happy you’re enjoying it sir, and I apologize that we couldn’t have accommodated your preferences on The Mediterranean Summer Salad with Feta and Shrimp, but I will most definitely inform the chef of how much you’ve enjoyed this one!”

J: 😳