I love the ocean, really I do, I never take a vacation without it, so often when I buy personal hygiene products I like to buy things with names like Ocean Breeze, Sea Mist, Briny Breezes, Misty Sea and Surf for Men, etc., etc., this seems to temporarily fill my need for an ocean fix, but this morning my system seems to have hit a snag when eyes shut, wallowing in the sheer dreaminess of hot water running over by head and down my back, I grabbed for my ever-dependable, too-wide-to-grasp, family-size, Suave Ocean Breeze with Infused Sea Algae Extract and Vitamin E Shampoo, and decided to put it to my nostrils to take a long, deep, savoring breath when immediately I became anxious as a memory flashed on a summer-sweaty, hedonistically-devouring 3 or 4-year-old child gorging on a delicious blue popsicle after mass with my father, and my mother asking me in her sweet, calm, quietly hysterical tone, the one she reserved for small children to refrain from full-tilt scream: “Joseph, who gave you the blue popsicle?”, and “How the …. will I ever get those gd blue stains off your brand new (short-sleeve) white dress shirt?” Moral: Don’t buy Suave Ocean Breeze Shampoo, it smells like blue popsicles, or some kind of deadly Monsantoèsque sea weed, beach plum and propylene glycol mix, and what is that blue popsicle flavor anyway?