Waking,
To The Force
Of the cold Early spring morning’s
Rain,
Wind,
Pelting,
Thrusting,
Against these sturdy
Mostly-wooden walls,
Warmed by creaking
Whistling hot water,
Rushing
Through the house’s veins

I dream of
Shedding
All fearful thoughts,
Releasing
My hellish ensnarement,
In an unconsciously adopted
Identification,
With A Projected
Hegemonic Masculinity

By countless generations,
Of Galactically stupefied
Men,
Confusing
Narcissism for Manhood,
Like Achilles’ heel,
The hero’s hamartia
Limits his bearing strength,
All but Guaranteeing,
His inevitable and
Portended Tragic
End

That I may embrace
My divine inheritance,
Abiding
Deep within:
The tenderness of twilight
The brilliance of a star,
The sustenance of solitude
The beauty of a flower,
The genuity of the aged
The mettle of a child,
The freedom of the out-breath
The power,
in the present’s
possibilities

All Urging
My deliverance,
From loveless cold despair,
In life’s cocoon
Of fear-based habits,
Of struggling ego’s aimless ends
Of sabotage by solution-forcing
Of unduly seeking night’s Revenge,
In Rage’s,
Cradling,
Oblivion

Choosing
Movement
Shifting
Thinking,
Outward
Toward Light’s peace,
Fearlessly Grateful for
Deus Ex Machina:
The percipient raging impulse
To Destroy,
All manner Of disingenuity
And escapist release,
Like a petulant child,
Taking joy
In annihilation,
Of his building-block
masterpiece

Forced now to sit
With raw emotion,
With mighty urge
Now, to flee,
I’ve come to know
Mind’s monkeying nature,
My essential goodness,
And Fear’s confrontability

As time ticks forward
I Sense the glimmer,
The Master’s Stroke within:
At long last,
Epiphanic Revelation!
True Self Authentic!!
Kaleidoscopic Spontaneity
Breathed into me

I wish I spoke German
I would write
Great Epic Poems
Of Angst and Geilheit
The likes of Tristan und Isolde

My heart throbs aching
For the closeness I miss
But not for the Him
I created in me

A telephone conversation
Stingily braising
A simmering past
Romanticized then suddenly,
Vilified

Petrified my hardened heart
Volcanic news of separation
Ocean of Time and Neglect and Fear
Unrequited anguished moments

Lonely dinners
A table for one
Inventing
Out-of-town businessmen
Peering through the gestalt
Of rain-beaded window
Pains of shattered love

Street lights suspended
Abandoned black pavements
Glistening with hues of whitish yellow
Like ghosts piercing
Lonely passersby
Draped in personal protective
Canopies of anonymity

Here I sit in a golden haze
Chilled to the bone
with
Goblets of diet coke,
Iced to the brim
Stony visions of hellishly Falling
Purple grey February slush

Chop-sticking at
Hypoallergenic pad thai
Dreaming of
Schadenfreude
Wagner
Und Love gone by